Unforgiving Heart

From the poetry archives

Unforgiving Heart

Ink spills red, the color of fresh blood
Words walled up behind a dam of pain
Rush free through my pen in a frantic flood
Truths I can no longer contain.

I moved through my entire life
Hating my reflection
Every day you twisted the knife
While I begged for your affection

With each passing year my body grew
But my soul shrank smaller and smaller
It was starved by every barb you threw
My essence yoked by your collar

As I shrank I learned to hide
Every interest, every scar, every fear
If anyone asked how I was, I lied
Afraid to shed so much as a tear

I took in every insult you hurled
Learning to hate myself too
A terror deep within me swirled
I might never be free of you

Tightness settled in my chest
The weight of your baggage and mine
I’d carried too long with no rest
Across a tightrope line

Of course I stumbled, how couldn’t I fall?
You set me up to fail from the start
Did you really think I could juggle it all?
Being an eldest daughter is an unforgiving art.

For years I walked on eggshells
Scared to be anything but perfect
While you lash out, seeking relief from your hell
Was that moment of relief really worth it?

I like to pretend I’m free of you
When my own children are watching
The scars you left, hidden from view
No excuse for the parenthood I’m botching

Memories of my childhood linger
Though I wish they would depart
I hope it put you through the wringer—
Carving out my unforgiving heart?

Photo by Christopher Paul High on Unsplash

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My kids were out of school for a three day weekend, and that always makes the house a little more chaotic. I will catch up on posts and messages - hopefully by the end of the week. If I don’t get to you, feel free to poke me with a DM. I don’t bite. Much. Love, light, and healing to all.

xx

Luce